There's a hole there, and it's taken my breath away

 There's a hole in my heart.

This vast expanse where there used to be heartbeats.

A space where there used to be pictures and thoughts of you, and the words you spoke. 

Words that made that space happy. Words that kept that space beating. Words that kept that space alive.

My heart is chained to you.

Now it's a hole. A vast expanse with no words, smiles, no extra beats. And no breath.

I can't breathe. I can't speak. I can't find the missing pieces.

I can't find my faith in you. 

Every word you spoke such a short time ago now comes into question.

The person I thought I knew so well, is now part of that hole with the missing beats.

You aren't looking for me, as you thought you were. But I am left looking for you.

You convinced yourself I was your person, the woman sent to you and meant for no other.

But you didn't think I would have desires, needs, and fears of my own. 

You just thought about what you needed me to do for you. You hoped I would never really need to be loved.

You looked for a caretaker, and found me.

Now I"m left with a hole in my heart. Missing beats. Speechless.

And alone.

TM

Please, definitely don't waste your time

Last night you demanded answers about us.

You wanted to know if we are a forever couple. An answer I didn't have.

Not because I'm not sure I love you. I am.

I'm not sure of your feelings. And I might have been right to be unsure.

You said you didn't think we had a lot of time left, and you didn't want to waste any more time.

We've been seeing each other for six months. 

I've laid in your arms, we've laid in my bed, and we've had long talks about life.

I never felt as though I was wasting my time. Not once.

I am beginning to question the past six months, and whether or not I really understood your motives.

You have wanted a relationship solely on your terms.

You have said you're willing to be patient, but you don't ask what I need to move forward.

All you say is we need to move forward, but you offer nothing to make me feel any safety, love, or compromise.

Oh you say a relationship takes compromise, but it always seems as though you're talking about me compromising how I need to be treated in a relationship. 

You've known all along what I've been through in other relationships, and you still expect that I should compromise everything I know and need, to be with you.

And now you tell me you've been wasting your time.

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