I take care of me

 I almost lost myself again. 

I've done it before. Become so wrapped in others' needs and lives that I forget to be me. I forget what being free and living my own life is like because I stop doing it.

I say I love you. I take care of you. I listen to you. I give you my concern. I help you to maintain your life while leaving my own behind. 

You are living in your head, which you have quietly laid on my chest. The longer your head lies there, the less I breathe.

I tell you I'm unhappy. I tell you I'm lonely. You don't hear. I'm lonely in a relationship. How does that work? Why did that happen?

In my heart, I know I can't stay. I've been in this place before, and lost myself.  I stayed lost until I was left with my broken heart and more tears than was ever meant for one person to shed. In fact, I've been in that place more than once.

I tell myself no more. But I've told myself no more before. What's different this time?

I am on my way back from being broken by someone else. I met you on that journey.  You helped me repair. But it took more time than you wanted to give to me. I wasn't even back on my feet before you decided that I had taken too much of your time. Time you wanted spent on you. 

My heart, my emotions, my loneliness became minor infractions to you. I was drifting away. I was floating out of the picture of the two of us.

I become tired. I become silent. I become old. 

My shoulders are heavy. My mind is overwhelmed. My body aches. 

I don't see you. I am in a relationship and I'm lonely. My friend disappeared months ago.

I can talk to you, but I know you'll only listen to the first few sentences. I can text you, but you likely won't respond. I can email you, but if you email back, you tell me my feelings and the mean words you say are minor infractions.

I am tired. I am lonely. And I'm on a journey.

I let you go, and continue. 

For the first time in my life, I let go and continue my journey. 

I take care of me. 

I love you. I hope you continue your journey and we find each other again. But for now....

I continue my journey. I follow my heart and the path that has been laid out for me. 

You are still my love story, but right now...

I take care of me.